Well I hope there is nobody cuz' if I've got any, that would be creepy af.
I took a break from reviewing my P5 question practices that I've done to review or kind of, reminisce, all sort of stuff that I've shared on this blog since my teenage years.
Well this was all because, wholly because, early this morning, I listened to Bruno Mars' songs, one of them being Nothin' on You. I hate to say this but... Bruno Mars did once leave a hugeeee impact in my life. (I'm referring to my teenage life)
I was too young. Too dumb. And I didn't blame myself for being such a naive girl.
Hahahaha oh wait I did, this morning hahahaha I was thinking what if I bla bla bla then I wouldn't be bla bla bla and I would have bla bla bla
Stahp it Masturah. Life goes on.
I went through, reading some of my previous entries and then somehow I was struck by the 'different levels of life I've been going through' and how amazing it was/is to be able to realise that you kind of 'made it' to be what you have been dreaming for. Or even for the things you never expected for it to become reality.
I don't know man. This time, I feel things are getting harder and more difficult to cope with.
For most of the time, I keep on blaming myself, for being myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to be Masturah and to listen to all those 'voices' saying that you can do everything you want- in your head? (these voices are 'healthy voices' so don't go saying that I'm not mentally healthy)
It is tiring to be Masturah. One second, the voice says something positive and very encouraging then the next few seconds, the voice tells you to stop doing everything you want and be more realistic.
And, occasionally, these voices will keep giving me ideas and life's suggestions which I don't even need AT THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT.
For example; Revision time.
Voice 1: Hmm what a thing to spend your time with. If only you are a genius, you don't have to revise or study.
Voice 2: Come on, she's trying to study and pass her exam. You know what, if you feel tired, you can go to sleep for a couple of hours then start your revision again.
Voice 3: You know what. Maybe she needs a lil motivation. Ok let's give her something to think about while studying so she can focus more.
Voice 2: How about planning her future life?
Voice 1: Planning is not enough. She has to do her research. And let her revision study goes to waste for this 'planning' stuff.
Voice 3: You guys are right. Now, let's give her some *ideas*
And that's how I wasted my revision time on 'life planning' or other 'brilliant ideas' on making myself a millionaire or a famous person or on how can I rule the world.
Sometimes, I blame myself for everything that has happened.
My life has been out of 'control' lately and it seems to be very 'pathetic' for me, at times.
I took the risks, and most of the risks did not produce good results in return.
Or may I say, I am now a 'broken' person, for the fact that I am now choosing to live out of my comfort zones and I made a hell of a lot of mistakes that I never expected to make.
Everything you see and know about me as a person now is no longer the same as the person you used to know.
I don't go around and ask people to fix me. (even if I do hope a person comes by and sings to me Coldplay's Fix You somehow)
A broken person is meant to be 'unfixed'. This is what he/she chooses, and if anything happens, it will lead to where they would be in the future.
I came across Forbes' Quote of The Day on its website (the reason why I got there was it was for 'research' purposes) which I found it to be very useful for all of us. It sounds like this,
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
- I can't find the first person who said it on the internet
So, to conclude today's entry on 'Life's Checkpoint':
1. What makes me a 'broken person' will definitely make me wiser cuz' the more mistakes I make, the more I get to learn from it.
2. You don't know how strong you are when the only option you have is to be strong.
3. Be strong be strong be strong be strong be strong for the fact that life will always punch you and kick you in the ass.
4. Most people don't even care about your life so IT IS YOUR LIFE THAT YOU NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT. NOT ANYONE'S. Remember my previous entry on "I don't give a damn" ? http://smzbloggie.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/pergi-mampus-more-like-i-dont-give-shit.html Flip your hair/hijab and do what you need to do with your life.
5. Be hopeful. Idk, this may sound so 'naive' but put your trust in God, and pray for the best. He is the only One who grants you anything you want. Not your 'efforts'.
Till then, we may see again perhaps after I finish the exam? :D
p/s: semoga Masturah dan rakan rakan ACCA lulus semua paper yg diambil pada sesi June ini amin.